After White Castle died of ugliness or eating too much to relieve the pain of succeeding a sexah president, the military decided to be jerks with Brazilians and got another ugly dude, named 'Arturo da Costa e Silva', or Arthur for short.
no, crap, this isn't him; this is him:
So people in 1968 got really pissed off. Not only was the military actually collecting taxes (Pokemon didn't bother collecting taxes since he was a nice-sexy guy), mainly because it was jealous of sexy-abs Goulart; but it was also torturing people! So, people went on the streets and protested, to which Arthur responded to by
playing 'Hey Arthur' on TV killing more people. Even Carlos Lacerda got pissed off and became a commie and then went to Paraguay where he became gay with Stroessner as well. So, basically, they killed a bunch of commies and good-looking chicks but people stopped caring because the economy got better. In 1969, Arthur got a stroke and became a stupid old vegetable. So the military got a new President, Emilio Medici, who was a class-A asshole.
He turned against all the commies and nuked them all away, but people didn't care since the economy was supposedly booming. People were happy and Medici was having fun killing random people who didn't like him while the people who liked him didn't give a sh**t that they lived in some dictatorship. They didn't even say anything when he went to Mexico and bought a
cheap electric chair. But it couldn't even fry some french fries.
in 1974, Medici became gay and stepped down. Ernesto Geisel became President, and he decided to be nice with people and liberalize the system. But the emo hardline guys didn't want him to liberalize and they got in a war with him and continued to torture people in prison. And Geisel got pissed and almost nuked them until he made a deal with them under which they would only torture hot people like Goulart's wife. In 1979, some dude who was old and ugly named Figueiredo became President.
However, he quickly became gay with Ronnie Reagan and had sex with his horse. Nancy Reagan became pissed and smacked Ronne on the head, which caused him to get alzheimers early and then Figueiredo became sad because his gay lover didn't remember him and only remembered that he needed to fight ZE EVIL COMMIES.
Two lovers
After Figueiredo lost the love of his life, he had sex with his horse even more often and decided to liberalize the country and stepped down before ze 1985 eleckshiuns. Because the military nominated some dude (Paulo Maluf) whose pass-time was to bang every congressman's wife, the congressman got pissed off and they elected an old guy, "Tom" Tancredo Neves, because they knew he was too old to bang their wives. Just to make sure, they also immediately passed a bill raising the price for Viagra and Cialis by 6000000000%.
However, Paulo Maluf then wrote in the newspapers that president-elect Neves had an illegitimate son in Colorado named Tom Tancredo and Neves got depressed (also, he was depressed because he couldn't afford his Viagra) and died before he could even be sworn in. It is also from that point on that Tom Tancredo became a hokey-pokey racist fascist since he hated his spick Latino illegal immigrantsz family.
Tomas Gerardo Antonio Carlos Rodriguez de Almeida Tancredo de Neves, aka Tom 'REAL MURICAN' Tancredo
So then this random dude from some craphole state, José Sarney, became President. He then decided to continue stealing money, but he devised an ingenious plan of doing so, the Cruzado Plan. People thought that they were giving their tax money to fight inflation, but rather they were giving his money to pay for his daughter's anti-ugliness surgery. So he stole lots of money and by the end people were really fed up with ugly Sarney who looked like some Mexican-American drug dealer and they turned to a new party, the Hotness Party, formed by Alagoas Governor Fernando 'Fernie' Collor de Mello (aka, Color of Melon).
Sarney demonstrates his finance plan, with one finger represents one million dollars to be stolen
So in 1989 elechiuns, the choice was between Hotness Party candidate Fernando Collor and Ugly Commie Fag Party candidate "Lula", who was ugly as hell and had a huge commie beard. Thankfully, the Brazilian people were smart and voted massively for the hot dude and also sent him tons of money. Lula was some stupid commie and went to cry for years afterwards, because he could never be as sexy and hot as Fernando Sexgod Collor.
Fernando 'Fernie' Sexgod Collor/Random loser (Hotness) 99%Lula 'Ugly Angry commie' da Silva/ugly 99-year old commie tool (Ugly fag commies) 1%Collor then named himself Minister of Finance since he was so freaking smart and declare the PLANO COLLOR. He would steal people's money and build himself a new house, it was a proven financial expert's plan which could only be created by a master of intelligence such as Collor. And people didn't care since they worshiped Collor as the Brazilian Aphrodite. He was really that hot. And he gave people hope that they could be as sexah as him, only if they paid for his new house. In 1991, he was so freaking awesome that he met Pope John Paul II (the commie dude in white robes) who was so much in awe in front of Collor's sexiness and greatness that he automatically declared him a Saint, Saint Collor. His birth had been a great miracle in itself. Even better, on July 23, 1992; in Montreal, some kid was born and he was named Gael Hashemite Collor de Mello L'Hermine to commemorate Collor's greatness.
REALLY SEXAH DUDE
But then it all came undone
. It began in January 1992, when Saint Collor authorized Congress, in exchange for stealing more cash, to bang his wife. Little did they know that Saint Collor's wife was
REALLY UGLY.
UGLY BITCH
So Congress got mightily pissed off at Saint Collor that they impeached him. He was the victim of unfair persecution by stupid ugly commies who didn't appreciate his greatness and his sexiness. He then divorced his ugly wife, became a Mormon like Mitt Romney (an idol of his youth) and got 5 wives. But the worse? Brazil got ugly bastard 'Itamar' Franco, Saint Collor's VP, whose only use was jacking off with the ladies.
Things got bad. Inflation was like 600000000000% again, because the greatness of the PLANO COLLOR had been undone by the ugly old bastard. So in 1993, they impeached Itamar and called in an expert on economics, Matthew Gilson of Bergen County, NJ to be President.
Matthew Gilson as Admiral of the Brazilian Navy
Gilson held a PhD from the University of Alabama in commie studies, which allowed him to know that Vermont was a commie state. But he didn't reduce inflation until some old dude, Fernando Henrique Cardoso (FHC) came along and through magic fixed the country.
In 1994, FHC was elected President defeating ugly ass Lula, although FHC never rivaled Saint Collor in terms of hotness. FHC did nothing of interest to anybody and everybody started to hate him because he was kinda ugly and they wanted Saint Collor back. But Saint Collor was angry at Congress and told people to "piss off" while he decorated his new house which taxpayers had payed for 100%. In 1998, depressed, Brazilians reelected FHC since his only opponent was Lula who was still angry at his life, and Matthew Gilson who was running for the REGIONALSZ PROTECKSZHIONS PARTEE.
in 2002, FHC couldn't run again since he was too ugly. So Lula, who was older and calmer and gotten over his past problems with
drugs sexiness, was elected against some random hobo named Jose Serra. Lula also didn't do anything, and was rather corrupt, but nobody cared since they reelected him in 2006, when he defeated
a wet pizza Geraldo Alckmin in a freaking landslide. But in 2006, all attention was set on Alagoas, where Sexgod Collor was running for Senate, and won a huge landslide because people of Alagoas were so pleased that Saint Collor had come back to steal their money again.
Collor allied with Lula since Lula, being President, would allow him to steal more money. Collor was a great Senator, and along with Jeff Greene he bet on the financial crisis and became richer than Bill Gates and Warren Buffet combined. In 2008, Lula pleaded Collor to save the world from financial meltdown, but Collor only agreed to save Brazil, by stealing more money.
Collor told Lula "I WILL MAKE YOU AS HOT AS ME"
In October 2010, when Brazil voted again, the choice was between Senator Saint Fernando Sexgod Collor and Dilma Rousseff, some ugly chick who was Lula's
mistress chief of staff.
Sen. Saint Fernando Sexgod Collor/Jeff Greene (Cool People's Party) 95%Dilma Rousseff/Kendrick 'freaky-ass voice' Meek (Losers) 5%So, the ultimate team to fix Brazil and make it world-class superduper power country:
President-Superduper Leader Saint Fernando Sexgod Collor of Alagoas, along with his new wives
Vice President Jeff Greene of Florida, along with his
wife mistress slut Lindsay Lohan
THE END.
